I had always dreamed that my closest friends would be understanding and patient. I had hoped that, for once in my life, I'd found someone that understood me. I guess not. There are certain limitations every person has. Everyday I have school. Mondays,thursdays,fridays,and saturdays I have work. Tuesdays and wednesdays and sundays I have church. I have no free time. I suppose that in a way, I am sacrificing my relationships with people for this job. But I've got a life now. It's time for me to start spreading my wings, to actually work. I need to figure this out on my own. I can't let Trey, or my friends, or my family in on it. It's between me and God and what He wants for my life. I guess this friendship wasn't strong enough. Or maybe one of us was expecting more out of the other. I know I'm supposed to always be there. I know that I'm supposed to find time in my schedule for them. I'm supposed to do all of these things but people have got to realize that I'm not like normal close friends. I don't see spending time with a person a requirement. I don't see eating out or just talking about things as what makes a close friend a close friend. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe that's why I haven't had many close friends. Maybe I'm looking for someone who will go beyond the point of call and duty - someone who can enter in to the relationship not expecting me to sacrifice time and effort, but just wanting to give me theirs, and vice versa. I can't change the direction my life is going. I can't change the fact that I'm moving on in my life. I'd like to change the direction our relationship is going, but apparently, the thought doesn't count. Just knowing that I'm here doesn't count. Knowing that I'm only a phone call away, knowing that I'm praying for you, knowing that what I said and did was true, every last bit of it - I guess it takes more for some people. But not for me. I don't expect anything. Just knowing you're there and my spiritual support...ah, well. I guess time is of the essence once again. I didn't think our bond would be so weak.
1 Corinthians 13:7 …(love) always trusts (NIV)
Love always trusts because love has the highest of expectations. Love trusts because love does not see the darkness that causes mistrust. Love is willing to invest fully in every person, for love knows that even in defeat and personal disappointment there is victory when love reigns. Love always trusts for love dominates all of the disappointments of life that causes us to mistrust. Love knows that there is nothing to lose and everything to gain by holding the highest of expectations. Love trusts always, even after disappointment comes for love is too powerful a force to be stopped by disappointment. Love trusts, for love is God. Love trusts for in God, there is infinite security, infinite hope, and infinite expectations for future glory that will always become real.
